A Flamingo In a Flock of Pigeons
by karabell-karaboo723
Summary: When 4 Mary Sues come to Marauder Hogwarts everyone will fall in love with them, but who will they fall in love with? Will they figure out their secret? And will Sally finaly say Sirius's name right? Parody Alert! Please R&R!
1. Very Long Character Descriptions

**I was reading a really awful Mary- Sue loving Lord of the Flies story called "A Flamingo in a Flock of Pigeons" and this just kind of hit me. Another story that inspired me was a HP one called "****Hoggy Warty Hogwarts" by frozen bacon.**

**It is in fact another parody, but this will be a stand alone, multi- chapter story.**

**I may post the first chapter in Attack of the Mary- Sues, but I'm not too sure. Hmm, decisions, decisions…**

**I will need your input on that decision.**

**This story will follow four girls, who I actually created as serious OC's, but I have decided to sacrifice them for the sake of "The Cause", and hopefully you can guess what "The Cause" is by now, who come Marauder era Hogwarts, and make three young boys fall in love with them. The other one is a slut who just steals girl's boyfriends. **

**I looked up and realized how long that last sentence was.**

**But I guess that I did change all of the girl's names, so I can use them if I ever want to write a serious story.**

**Disclaimer time!**

**Sirius: If KBKB723 really owned me, I would be alive and we would be married and have four cute little children who just stayed 5 and cute forever.**

**Oh, yeah.**

**A Flamingo in a Flock of Pigeons**

Sophie Benartonilianai (Ben- art- toe- nil- lia- an- i- e- ya) had short, straight, light blonde hair that came down to about her shoulders. Her bright green eyes shone out from under her long, dark hair, and looked as if they could break your heart.

Her eyes were dark, however, when she thought of her ϋber angsty past.

She was wearing a long and flowing short little sun dress that was a halter top spaghetti strap sweetheart neckline on top, and long and flowing and short and tight on the bottom.

She walked into the compartment of four boys who I really don't feel like describing or writing their names, but I'm sure that you can guess who they are.

She looked over at her cousin James. She really couldn't wait until her friends got here.

Suddenly, the door opened, and three girls walked in.

The first one, Chenoah Walters, had long, curly brown hair that reached her mid- back, which was just past her shoulders and above her but, in case you didn't know where your mid- back was.

Her skin had a nice tan to it, and yet it wasn't too dark.

Her dark brown eyes had a deep feeling to them, almost as if they had seen a thousand deaths.

The other tall girl had bright, orangey red hair, which was curly and fell to her mid- back, or, just above her waist, if you still can't figure out where your mid- back is.

Her bright blue- green eyes had a wonderful glow to them, and a spark of mischief buried deep inside of them.

She had remarkably tan skin for someone with red hair, and her freckles did not distract from her beauty at all.

The last girl was shorter and shyer than the other two, but was still remarkably beautiful.

She had skin so pale that she was almost transparent, and her eyes were black. She looked like a puppy that had been kicked too much.

Her long, shoulder length hair was tied back in a low pony tail, except for a few strands that framed her beautiful porcelain face.

"Hi everyone! I'm Chenoah Walters, the red head is Sally Gibbson, and the short quiet girl who you'll probably never hear speak is May. we don't really have a last name for her, yet."

"Well, why don't you take a seat, and we'll get to know each other a bit better." Said Remus. He looked at the poor girl, May, who didn't even have a last name. The poor thing.

"I'm Sirius Black" started Sirius very seriously. (pun intended)

"No, you're not seriously black! You're, like, whiter than me! And I have red hair!" said Sally, who was already a bit confused with all the excitement that was going on.

"No, Sally, my name is Sirius" said Sirius. He was already beging to wonder if there was something wrong with this girl.

"Oh, that's nice that your parent gave you a name that is serious. I mean, my parents kind of gave me goofy name. So, what is your name?" said airhead Sally.

"No, Sally. His actual name is Sirius." Said Sophie.

"I know, he's got a serious name! I'm not an idiot!" yelled Sally

"You know what, why don't you call me Padfoot instead." Said Sirius.

"But I thought your name was serious! Pedal foot is such a stupid name!" Said Sally, who, believe it or not, was even more confused than she was before.

"you know what, why don't you tell us your name." said Chenoah to Remus.

"Umm, well, my name is Remus Lupin, but you can call me Moony." Said Remus, praying that Sally wouldn't get any more confused or stupid than she already was.

"Hey, Lupine means wolf or dog in Latin, and in ancient Rome, Remus a man that was raised by a wolf. Are you, like, a werewolf, because that would be kind of funny since your first name is, like, all about wolves and your last name in about the moon and stuff." said Sally, in a light, airy, and carefree voice.

All four boys shared a worried glance. If that ditz could figure out what Remus was, how long was it going to be until everyone else did? Or what if everyone else already knew what Remus was? What would they do then?

Chenoah noticed their worried glances, but thought that they were worried about Sally's mental well being, for which she couldn't blame them. Actually, Chenoah was also getting a bit worried about Sally. First she couldn't figure out Sirius's name and now this? What if something was seriously wrong with her?

"Umm, Sally, that is completely ridiculous. Remus is not a werewolf. They would never allow a werewolf to go to Hogwarts." Said Sophie, who was also a bit worried about Sally's mental state.

"Well, maybe they're just keeping it a secret, and hide him in a tunnel or something every full moon." Said Sally in a bit of a snooty voice.

Sirius was still amazed that someone so incredibly stupid could figure out part of their secret in less than ten minutes. He was also wondering if she would be stupid enough to have sex with him in a broom closet on the first day. Her stupidity didn't manage to detract from her hotness.

"Sally, Remus is not a werewolf, okay. End of discussion." Said Chenoah, she then whispered "I'm really sorry about her" to Remus and Sirius.

"Well, I'm Peter and-"

"Sorry, you're not hot enough to continue."

"My name is James Potter, and Sophie is my favorite cousin." Said James while putting his arm around Sophie. He would kill anyone who came too close to her.

"So, what about you girls?"

"Well, you already know our names, but once again, I'm Chenoah, and I am a star in the making."

"Wait, so you're like a huge ball of gas being pulled together by the forces of gravity?" just take a wild guess at who said that.

"No, Sally, I'm more like a flamingo in a flock of pigeons." Said Chenoah

"So, you, umm, smell like rotting fish and the rest of us just, like, poop everywhere?"

Yep, thought Sirius, definitely stupid enough to sleep with me.

**Preview of next chapter:**

"No, I believe in abstinence!"

"It's not sex if you use a condom!"

"Well, OKAY!"

**So, do you like it?**

**Click the blue button to tell me!**

**And should I put this in AOTMS? **

**Tell me!**


	2. A Sorting, A Vegranarian, & a Closet

**New chapter! Hooray!**

**Thank you to everyone that has reviewed! **

**I don't know why, but I am seriously enjoying this story. I think that it's getting to write about Sally and Sirius that's so much fun.**

**I just loved writing about how confused she was with Sirius's name.**

**The best part of this story, so far, has been writing Sally. **

**Originally, she was supposed to be smart, and all, but then I decided that it would be so much more fun to make her an idiot!**

**Obviously, they get together, but I'm not too sure about the other couples.**

**Should May, Chenoah, or Sophie be the slut?**

**Who will James and Remus end up with?**

**Review to tell me! **

**Disclaimer time, everyone! Who wants to say it? **

**Sally: I will, KBKB723 doesn't own anything except Sally, May, Sophie, and Chenoah. Hey, those are our names! What a coincidence!**

**I won't even try to explain it to her.**

**The Sorting, the Vegranarian, and the Broom Closet**

Dumbledore had decided that the girls would be separately sorted before hand, that way they could just go ahead and join their houses already. Obviously, they were all sorted into Gryffindor.

When they got to the great hall, they sat down with the boys.

"So you guys got sorted early, I see." Said Remus. This was a little out of the ordinary for Hogwarts, seeing as most Mary- Sues were sorted in front of everyone in Hogwarts.

"Yeah, well Dumbledore was getting tired of having to sort extra students or something, so he just put us in Gryffindor. Is this a good house?" said Chenoah. Her hair was now French braided into a crown around her head, and her eyes were especially sparkly.

"Yeah, it's the best." Said James, who was thrilled that his favorite cousin was now in his house.

He looked over at Sophie. Her eyes were bright as she looked up into the enchanted ceiling, at the stars above. Her white blonde hair seemed to glow in the dim lighting of the great hall.

"I'm so glad to be here and not back at home, especially after… umm, well- I don't like to talk about it…" Said Sophie.

"No one asked you to" said Sirius.

"Well, you see, it all started when my dad married my step- mom Carol, even though he already had a wife, but she killed my mom, so now she's in prison, along with my brother who raped me, but I decided to forgive him because I'm just that nice, but then Carol started to abuse my twelve little sisters, so my ten older brothers and I teamed up to try and confront her, but she shot two of them, and me too, but it missed my heart by a millimeter, so I was only in the hospital long enough to be interviewed by FOX, CNN, HLN, and Showbiz tonight, after which, my fame started effect my personal life, so I had to move a lot, but people still recognized me, so I had to go into the witness protection program-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sophie. We get it. You've got an extremely angsty past, but can you tell your sob- story to someone who cares?" said Chenoah.

"Wait, if no one is crying, then why is it called a sob story?" Said Sally. Once again, she was already extremely confused.

"It's a figure of speech, Sally" said Sirius (or, according to Sally, Pedal Foot)

"Wait, how would you see a figure if you say it? That makes no sense." Said Sally

"That it does, Sally, that it does. Would you like some steak?" said Sirius, who was almost beginning to get the hang of dealing with her.

" What's in steak?"

"Umm… Cows?" said Sirius. How could she not know what was in steak? Oh, wait; this was Sally he was talking about. She probably didn't even know what a cow was.

"Are cows, like, alive?" asked Sally. Apparently, Sirius had been right.

"Sally, everything on your plate was alive at one point" Said Chenoah.

"WHAT? I'm a vegranarian, I don't eat living things!" Screamed Sally, who was extremely upset. How could she not know that carrots had feelings too?

"Okay, first of all it's a vegetarian, and secondly they just eat vegetables, but not animals." Said Chenoah.

She really should have warned the boys not to let her know that anything she was eating was ever alive. She could still remember all the chaos that it caused last time someone told her that she ate living things. Although she still did now, they just avoided telling her most of the time.

"Well, has anyone ever realized that plants are alive too? We shouldn't eat anything that's alive, and that's final." Said Sally, while crossing her arms.

She then began to wonder if her fork and plate were also alive.

"Why is she still alive if she won't eat anything that's ever been alive?" asked Peter

"Hey, I thought I told you that you weren't hot enough to talk?" said Chenoah

"Well, he's got a point. Seriously, though, did she just eat rocks or something?" asked Remus, in an undertone, even though Sally was still a bit busy trying to figure out if her fork was alive too.

"Do you want me to take her upstairs and make sure that she doesn't hurt herself?" asked Sirius.

Now would be the perfect time for him to get some, if you know what I mean. All of the teachers and prefects were still eating, and he was pretty sure Dumbledore knew that there was something seriously wrong with this girl.

"Yeah, that would be great. Just make sure she doesn't stare at anything too shiny, though, she can get a bit hypnotized by things like that" said Sophie, who was genuinely worried about Sally.

"Hey, Sally, I want to show you where the next PETA meeting is. Come on" said Sirius.

"Okay, Paddle Foot!" said Sally.

"You know what; I have this really goofy nickname. Why don't you call me Sirius, okay?" said Sirius, very, very, very seriously.

"You're right, that is pretty- I mean seriously- goofy, Sirius" said Sally.

"Why thank you, Sally"

As they left the hall, James turned to his cousin and Chenoah.

"You do realize that he's just going to go and get her into a broom closet, if you know what I mean" said Remus and James, at the same time.

"Yeah, but Sally wont even know what he's doing, so there's really no harm that he could possibly do." Said Chenoah, unworriedly.

"Besides getting her knocked up, of course. And not even Sally is stupid enough to let that happen." Said Sophie.

"You do realize that she didn't know what a cow was, right?"

**Near a broom closet…**

"Hey, Sally, come look at this" said Sirius in a fakely serious voice.

"What, I don't- Whoah!" said Sally as Sirius pushed her inside the closet.

"So, Sally, I really think this would be a great time to get to know each other" said Sirius.

"I thought we already did- Hey!" said Sally, right as Sirius cut her off with a kiss.

"Oh, wait, now I get it! You meant get to know each other as in make out, right?"

"What do you think?"

"Well, OKAY!"

So, Sirius had finally managed to get Sally inside of a closet. This was really too easy, he thought as he slid off her robes. But, as he started trying to undo her bra, she stepped back.

"Sirius, I'm not going to do that"

"What if I say that I love you?"

"No, you don't get it."

"I wont think that you're easy or anything"

"No, Sirius, I believe in abstinence!"

Time for some quick thinking, thought Sirius.

"Well, it's not sex if you use a condom!"

"Well, OKAY!" said Sally as she jumped back at Sirius.

She bought it. Sirius was really going to get some tonight.

**Yay! Another chapter done! **

**I have a rough outline of the story in my head, but mostly just for Sirius and Sally.**

**But, do you think it should be Sirius just using her, or should he develop real feelings for her?**

**Review to tell me your opinion and the other couples that you want!**


	3. But It's All About ME!

**It's been quite a while since I updated this.**

**Well, here you go. A new chapter. It only took me about a month to do it.**

**Actually, though, I was extremely busy with school and a lot of other things.**

**Disclaimer: do I really have to explain this all over again?**

**It's all about ME!**

In the great hall…

James was getting a bit weirded out. These three fist and second year boys kept staring at them.

"Hey, do you know why they keep staring at us?" asked James

"Well, they probably think that I'm perfect and amazing, which I am." Said Chenoah, as she flipped her long, curly, light brown hair out of her dark, chocolate brown eyes that shone with the saddest tales ever known, and seemed to peer straight into your deepest part of your soul.

"Um, sure." Said Remus

"Ahem, well, seeing as we've all been stuffed full of this delicious food, It's about time for us to begin the start of term speech" said Dumbledore, as he looked around at the students.

"First of all, the whomping willow is now off limits, due to many injuries it caused last year when students played a game that involved poking it with sticks." Dumbledore gave a stern look to a group of Gryffindor fourth years. James and Peter snickered at them.

"Secondly, the new defense against the dark arts teacher will be Professor R. L. Stein. He has spent about two decades searching for ghouls and other evil creatures. Please do your best to make him feel welcome at Hogwarts this year." Said Dumbledore

"And now, it is time for us all to trot on off to bed. Well, off you go" finished Dumbledore

"Wait, why didn't he announce our presence?" asked Chenoah, who was very upset

"Because, we've been getting American transfer students for years." Explained Remus

"Prefects, Please direct the first years to their dormitories!" yelled professor McGonagall

"Yeah, go get the little midget firsties, Remus!" laughed James

"Yeah, yeah, they're so small that- that- that they should really be c- c- called midgets!" laughed Peter

Everyone turned to give him a weird look.

"Wha- wha- what? Don't you get it?" said peter as he looked around confused

"Yeah, but James just said the exact same thing." Explained Sophie

"Hey, why did you get to say that? It was so my line! You line stealer!" snapped Chenoah angrily

"Well, you talked almost all of last chapter! I didn't even get to finish telling my entire life story! Like I said, I had to go into the witness protection program and then they gave me a whole new family so I'm actually not related to James, but he was the only person who was ever kind to me, so when I testified in court about the man who shoot up the hospital where I was staying at while I recovered from my step mom shooting me, one of his hit men ran into the court room and jumped on me, but I fought him off all by myself, even though my arm was in a cast, and then the jury didn't convict the guy who tried to kill me, so I persuaded them to forget about the whole "Double Jeopardy" law, even though it's in the constitution-"

"How long can this last?" Remus asked May

As she opened her mouth to answer, Chenoah said:

"It can go on for days if you're not careful."

"And then I found out that I was actually adopted and that my real parents are queen Elizabeth the first and president Obama's illegitimate love child and that they had to give me up for adoption because their story was the Romeo and Juliet love saga of their time, but that they thought that my parents who adopted me were good people, even though they weren't, and so I went to go meet them and there was a lot of press coverage, but we didn't have quite the connection that I thought we would, and then Michelle Obama was a huge jerk to me even though it wasn my fault and their two little girls started beating me up so now I have all these scars-"

"Is any of that even real?" asked a very doubtful and curios Remus

"We've never really bothered to find out." Said a very thoughtful Chenoah

James, who was still listening very intently, turned around and snapped

"Of course it's true! She wouldn't make something like this up!"

"Um, well it does sound a bit ridiculous." Replied Remus

"And then I decided that I shouldn't have to live in a box on the side of the freeway, so I decided to run for public office, but my manager and publisits told me that people would probably think that ii was a spoiled brat, even though I have had one of the hardest lifes of anyone that I've ever met and or known in my entire life and then I got relly mad and yelled at them, but they wouldn't listen to me, so I created my own political party and got elected ass the first biracial woman president of the united states and that led me to reconcile with my adopted and real parents and even though it was awkward we stiil made it work until this meteor came and-"

"Yeah, her story is just a bit ridiculous" said Peter sarcastically

"Yeah, well, we've all heard it about a million times." Said a quiet voice.

Everyone looked to find that May had actually spoken to them.

Remus was surprised that she finally managed to get a word in after being over shadowed by Chenoah, Sally, and Sophie for all this time. He wondered how long she had gone without talking. He had actually wondered if she could talk at all. It was very surprising to him that she had finally spoken up.

Peter hadn't even remembered that May existed. He thought that hse was just some lame first year following them around.

James was still listening to Sophie's tragic story. The two of them would probably never hear May speak, they were so self absorbed!

Chenoah, however, was not impressed. Not only was Sophie stealing her lines, now May was too!

"Um, have any of you forgotten that this story is still all about ME?" yelled Chenoah

James, who had finally torn himself away from listening to Sophie's tragic life story (which now involved her becoming a black belt in every martial arts teaching known to man), merely said:

"Has anyone seen Sally or Sirius recently?"

"Why wont you focus on ME?" screamed Chenoah

**I feel so bad for not updating, I really do. **

**Thank you to an anonymous reviewer, Big Femur, for finally getting me to get back into this story. **

**The next chapter will focus a lot on Sophie and Sally.**

**Please Review! **


	4. T Swift Songs

**Well, this is my oh so creative way of avoiding doing my DBQ. **

**Plus, this weekend is President's Day, so thank you George Washington and Abraham Lincoln for being born… well, whenever it was that you were born that resulted in two federal holidays in a row and no school. **

**Sorry for not updating for a while. I actually really like this story.**

* * *

**Speak Now and Other T. Swift Songs**

Much later that night, Chenoah sat up on the balcony all alone. She just didn't get it. Why on earth wouldn't people pay attention to her like they used to? It used to be all about her, but now she was almost as insignificant as May was!

What had gone wrong? Was it her hair? Maybe, if she changed it up a bit people would notice her a bit more than they were. Or, she could even change it a few times everyday! Yes, that would certainly work! It had to!

But that boy James. What to do about him? All he seemed to care about was that stupid idiot Sophie! So what, they were cousins and all. From the way they looked at each other, you would have thought that they were about to make out, or something. Stupid Sophie, stealing her spotlight. There was only one option: She would have to kill Sophie. Maybe Sally, too. But, Sirius was the kind of boy that thought with his pants, so she would probably be able to distract him.

May, of course, was no threat at all. Chenoah might even be able to let May have an ugly boyfriend, or something, if everything worked out to her advantage. Who knew what the future might hold for these four amazing girls?

"It'll hold a lot of parties, new boys, out of characterness, Mary Sues, destruction of canon, ingnoring important main characters and their plot lines that will play significant roles in the future, and Lily bashing." Said a voice behind her

Chenoah turned around to see Sophie standing behind her.

"How did you know that?" gasped Chenoah

"I can read minds and see the future."

* * *

"You guys, it was so absotootely perfect! And now, we're probably going to be together forever!" sighed Sally dreamily when three of the four girls were sitting at breakfast in the Great Hall. All of them had piled on the food, because, after all, they were like human black holes with their uncanny ability to burn all of those calories with out even trying.

"Hey, guys." Said Remus as he sat down along with Sirius

"Oh, Sirius! I am so happy to see you! For our wedding, I think that our colors should be…" began Sally, but Sirius cut her off

"Hey, I was thinking that maybe we should have an open relationship, Sally." Said Sirius

"What do you mean? We're going to be together forever, aren't we, Sirius?" asked a very confused Sally

"Yes, we will, I suppose, but with an open relationship we can still date other people with out having to break up. Do you see what I'm saying, Sally?" said Sirius very slowly, in the hopes that if he talked slower then maybe she would catch on a bit faster.

"Wait, stop talking so fast!" whimpered Sally as she struggled to comprehend what Sirius was saying

Attempt wasted, Sirius noted mentally.

"Hey, guys." Said James as he sat down with his friends

"Where's Sophie?" asked Chenoah

"Oh, just look up there!" whispered James excitedly as he pointed to where his cousin stood before all of Hogwarts, looking as if she was about to sing.

"Oh, great." Muttered Remus, who knew he should have seen this coming

"Hey, everyone, my name is Sophie, and I am a musician. I had a very hard child hood. You see, after the meteor came while I was reconciling with both of my sets of parents, there was a bus full of small Cuban children trying to get into the United States of America. The government wouldn't let them come into the country because it was against the law, or something stupid like that, so I decided to represent their case in court. However, the District Attorney was actually working for the Mob who was helping out the government who ordered them to kill me. Thankfully, I happen to be telepathic and I was then able to alert the CIA who were actually the KGB in disguise which meant that I would have to go undercover. However, before I knew it I was being kidnapped by a rouge agent. He raped me and then left me to die, but I was able to get to a hospital. I found out I was pregnant, but decided to keep the baby because I already loved it. But, before it was born, I was in a bar fight and-"

"Oh, shut up!" yelled someone in the Great Hall

"Yeah, you're right! You all just want to hear me sing, don't you? Well, here it goes!"

"Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday  
When I caught your eye  
And we caught onto something, I hold on to the night  
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me  
Were you just kidding? 'Cause it seems to me  
This thing is breaking down, we almost never speak  
I don't feel welcome anymore  
Baby, what happened? Please tell me  
'Cause one second it was perfect  
Now you're halfway out the door  
And I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called  
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all  
And you flashback to when he said, forever and always  
Oh, oh  
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest  
That made you run and hide like a scared little boy?  
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute  
Now I'm not so sure  
So here's to everything, coming down to nothing  
Here's to silence that cuts me to the core  
Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute  
But I don't anymore  
And I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called  
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all  
And you flashback to when he said forever and always  
Oh, oh  
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
You didn't mean it, baby, I don't think so  
Oh, oh  
Oh, back up, baby, back up, did you forget everything?  
Back up, baby, back up, did you forget everything?  
'Cause it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
Oh, I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called  
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all  
And you flashback to when we said forever and always  
And it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always  
You didn't mean it, baby, you said forever and always"

"Thank you, and I love you all! I wrote that myself!" yelled Sophie, as she waltzed off stage

"That was terrible." Muttered professor Snape, who was sitting at the teacher's table

"Did you guys hear that? Sophie loves me!" whispered James ecstatically to his friends

"There is something seriously messed up here." Remus muttered to himself

"I know, Remus! I should be the one up there singing and being loved by my teachers and peers!" said Chenoah angrily

* * *

As the group was leaving the halls, something terrible happened.

"Well, Mr. Potter and friends, I see that you have let your places un cleaned. Ten points from Gryffindor." Sneered Snape as he walked away

"Wait, when on earth did Snape become a teacher?" said Remus

"Oh, I'll bet this is because I refused to let him seduce me!" whimpered Chenoah

"Let's face it, Sophie is a whole lot better at the "Sympathetic Character" role, Chenoah." Stated Sirius

* * *

**Well, there's the new chapter.**

**Yes, I know that Snape should not be a teacher.**

**Please review.**


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